From Steve Jobs to Bill Clinton – SEX

Sex Quotes

# My girlfriend always laughs during sex –no matter what she’s reading.
Steve Jobs (Founder, Apple Computers)

# Don’t knock masturbation — it’s sex with someone I love.
Woody Allen

# Lord, grant me chastity and continence… but not yet.
St. Augustine

# I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome
things that money can buy.
Tom Clancy

# You know “that look” women get when they want sex? Me neither.
Steve Martin

# Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner,
you’d better have a good hand.
Woody Allen

# Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
Rodney Dangerfield

# There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual
arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz
380SL.
Lynn Lavner

# Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.
George Burns

# Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. The other eight
are unimportant.
George Burns

# Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships
Sharon Stone

# My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
Jack Nicholson

# Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s
genitals through his wallet.
Robin Williams

# Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the
only time of the month that I can be myself.
Roseanne

# Women need a reason to have sex Men just need a place.
Billy Crystal

# According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable
undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other
women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men
are just grateful.
Robert De Niro

# There’s a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men
are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause
severe swelling. So what’s the problem?
Dustin Hoffman

# There’s very little advice in men’s magazines, because men think, I
know what I’m doing. Just show me somebody naked.
Jerry Seinfeld

# Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.
Woody Allen

# See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only
enough blood to run one at a time.
Robin Williams

# My family never raised me to have a vagina.
Roseanne

# An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more
interesting than sex.
Aldous Huxley

# Did you ever notice the people who are most adamantly against
abortions are people you wouldn’t want to fuck in the first place?
George Carlin

# Of the delights of this world man cares most for sexual intercourse,
yet he has left it out of his heaven.
Mark Twain

# One half of the world cannot understand the pleasures of the other.
Jane Austen

# Sex concentrates on what is on the outside of the individual. It’s
funny because I think it’s better inside.
Alex Walsh

# When a man goes on a date, he wonders if he is going to get lucky. A
woman already knows.
Frederike Ryder

“A really hard laugh is like sex—one of the ultimate diversions of
existence.” (Jerry Seinfeld)

“If sex isn’t a joke, what is?” (Nella Larsen)

“I’m a terrible lover. I’ve actually given a woman an anti-climax.”
(Scott Roeben)

“Anyone who says that gratuitous sex is no substitute for gratuitous
violence obviously hasn’t had enough gratuitous sex.” (Geoff Spear)

“I love sex. It’s free and doesn’t require special shoes.” (Anonymous)

“Sexual intercourse is kicking death in the ass while singing.”
(Charles Bukowski)

“Despite a lifetime of service to the cause of sexual liberation, I
have never caught venereal disease, which makes me feel rather like an
Arctic explorer who has never had frostbite.” (Germaine Greer)

“I think sex is better than logic, but I can’t prove it.” (Anonymous)

“For me, love is very deep, but sex only has to go a few inches.” (Stacy Nelkin)

“Housework is like bad sex. Every time I do it I swear I will never do
it again. Until the next time company comes.” (Marilyn Sokol)

“During sex I fantasize that I’m someone else.” (Richard Lewis)

“There is nothing safe about sex. There never will be.” (Norman Mailer)

“The only difference between friends and lovers is about four
minutes.” (Scott Roeben)

“It’s hard to be funny when you have to be clean.” (Mae West)

“There’s nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard
and use your imagination you can overcome that.” (Lewis Grizzard)

“For flavor, instant sex will never supercede the stuff you have to
peel and cook.” (Quentin Crisp)

“Nothing makes you forget about love like sex.” (Staci Beasley)

“I read so many bad things about sex that I had to give up reading.” (Anonymous)

“Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if you’re not good
at them.” (Kevin Costner, Tin Cup)

“I’m a great lover, I’ll bet.” (Emo Philips)

“Just saying ‘no’ prevents teenage pregnancy the way ‘Have a nice
day’cures chronic depression.” (Faye Wattleton)

“I like my sex the way I play basketball, one on one with as little
dribbling as possible.” (Leslie Nielsen)

“I have no luck with women. I once went on a date and asked the woman
if she’d brought any protection. She pulled a switchblade on me.”
(Scott Roeben)

“Science is a lot like sex. Sometimes something useful comes of it,
but that’s not the reason we’re doing it.” (Richard Feynman)

“Sex is identical to comedy in that it involves timing.” (Phyllis Diller)

“If sex doesn’t scare the cat, you’re not doing it right.” (Anonymous)

“Sex is good, but not as good as fresh sweet corn.” (Garrison Keillor)

“Sex always has consequences. When Hitler’s mother spread her legs
that night, she effectively canceled out the spreading of fifteen to
twenty million other pairs of legs.” (George Carlin)

“I’ve tried several varieties of sex. The conventional position makes
me claustrophobic and the others give me a stiff neck or lockjaw.”
(Tallulah Bankhead)

No matter how much cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of
kittens. ~Abraham Lincoln

When a man talks dirty to a woman, it’s sexual harassment. When a
woman talks dirty to a man, it’s $3.95 a minute. ~Unknown

Remember, if you smoke after sex you’re doing it too fast. ~Woody Allen

Sex on television can’t hurt you unless you fall off. ~Unknown

We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his
hands for masturbation. ~Lily Tomlin

Anybody who believes that the way to a man’s heart is through his
stomach flunked geography. ~Robert Byrne

If you use the electric vibrator near water, you will come and go at
the same time. ~Louise Sammons

Masturbation: the primary sexual activity of mankind. In the
nineteenth century it was a disease; in the twentieth, it’s a cure.
~Thomas Szasz

and a little joke: A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken
is smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face and the egg
is frowning and looking put out. The egg mutters to no one in
particular, “I guess we answered that question.” ~Unknown

Top 10 Famous Political Sex Quotes
10) “If I don’t have a woman every three days or so I get a terrible
headache.” –President John Kennedy

9) “They don’t call me Tyrannosaurus Sex for nothing.” –Sen. Ted Kennedy

8) “Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many
OB-GYNs aren’t able to practice their love with women all across this
country.” –President George W. Bush

7) “Dan would rather play golf than have sex any day.” –Marilyn
Quayle, on Vice President Dan Quayle

6) “Well, there was no sex for 14 days.” –California Gov. Arnold
Schwarzenegger, on getting the cold shoulder from his wife after
backing President George W. Bush at the Republican Convention

5) “This attractive lady whom I had only recently been introduced to
dropped into my lap….I chose not to dump her off.” –Sen. Gary Hart,
referring to an encounter with Donna Rice

4) “For seven and a half years I’ve worked alongside President Reagan.
We’ve had triumphs. Made some mistakes. We’ve had some
sex…uh…setbacks.” –President George H.W. Bush

3) “I’ve looked on many women with lust. I’ve committed adultery in my
heart many times. God knows I will do this and forgives me.”
–-President Jimmy Carter

2) “It depends on what the meaning of the words ‘is’ is.” –President
Bill Clinton, during his 1998 grand jury testimony on the Monica
Lewinsky affair

1) “I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Miss Lewinsky.”
–President Bill Clinton